| 2007-01-26 22:36:02 |
Posted by |
well, for one, you cant spell.
and yeah it was okay |
adgfgew gfe |
| 2007-02-02 13:52:00 |
Posted by |
| too fucking short |
Anonymous |
| 2007-03-03 20:49:22 |
Posted by |
| Another office sex story, 10" dick and big breast. You got to bring it when writing a well used story like this. Needed to be spell checked for easier reading. A cheap spell check - Join yahoo Email for free and paste in you story then spell check it. Try reading it out loud. This works for me. My spelling sucks. Sentences were a little long and you used the word "he" way too often. A spray of cum shot from her pussy etc, would of had more effect. The use of words like as, then, while makes sentences smoother. Good start, good idea, and Nice ending. |
manview |
| 2007-04-06 19:14:44 |
Posted by |
| Check your spelling.Nothing ruins a fantasy quicker than deciphering misspelled words.The idea was cool though. |
Rapunzel111 |
| 2007-05-11 00:58:43 |
Posted by |
| I found quite a lot of careless mistake for example such as the underwear, he had written it as underware. The content is quite good, but then not as good as some. |
jolesiay |
| 2007-06-26 10:43:18 |
Posted by |
| I have heard about girls spraying cum, but have never had one. I would love to though. |
Anonymous |
| 2008-01-22 16:47:48 |
Posted by |
| So old i got rather bored |
Cat |
| 2008-01-28 00:40:26 |
Posted by |
| nice |
shamus |
| 2008-02-19 11:10:47 |
Posted by |
| I want to shag her savagely! |
Anon |
| 2008-02-27 06:54:36 |
Posted by |
| i like finering myself to short stories but the spelling just messed this up for me, total turn off |
Jemma |
| 2008-03-27 16:43:19 |
Posted by |
| this was too common with no shoks needs to be more exciting |
Anonymous |
| 2008-04-03 05:53:37 |
Posted by |
| uummm, nice. No panties and fast and furious. Want to eat her out and furiously give her every inch, good and hard. |
pussylover |
| 2008-05-07 00:40:38 |
Posted by |
| well..well a red haired cunt..Well what do yah know..nice try though.. |
pussyeater |
| 2008-05-09 23:28:44 |
Posted by |
| no foreplay.... no buildingup of suspense leadind to the climax.... |
just a browsing reader |
| 2008-05-13 20:45:25 |
Posted by |
| check your spelling, otherwise great story |
jj |
| 2008-05-17 01:44:22 |
Posted by |
| SPELLING. I enjoy pleauring myself to these stories...spelling ruined it but otherwise good plot |
Bitchybikinibabe |
| 2008-05-17 03:41:04 |
Posted by |
| after reading this shit i'm pretty 'shoked' and 'ficked off' that you managed to murder a classic storyline ... AND YOU CAN'T SPELL! |
Anonymous |
| 2008-06-06 08:09:45 |
Posted by |
| you are making me wet... |
lean_back |
| 2008-09-06 02:54:48 |
Posted by |
| you need to firs learn how to spell and second you need to have foreplay nothing builds sex up better than foreplay |
nikki |
| 2008-09-15 15:47:49 |
Posted by |
| Just too quick. Needs to be longer |
gangbuster |
| 2008-09-28 05:28:10 |
Posted by |
horrible ending
|
Anonymous |
Click here to return back !
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