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The Regrets That Haunt(Current Rating 15/100, based on 95 votes)
I sat in the morning misty air missing her and wondering at this moment just what she is doing. I recalled in my mind the days that we walked upon the beach hand in hand. I remembered the sound of the kids running by and the smell of the ocean. It was all so prominent. I was back in that time in my mind, so far away that I did not even hear my cell phone ring. Slowly but surely I started to come back down from the cloud in my mind that I was floating on. I ran to get my phone. I look at the called ID and it is her, my dear sweet Natosha. I answer it and I hear her sweet voice on the other end calling out to me telling me how much she missed me and how much she wanted to feel my touch. I tell her that I will be home Friday and to expect me, but I was not sure exactly when I would be there. We talk for a while and then we say our good-byes. I hang up with a heavy heart. I missed her so much and I so much wanted her to be here with me right now holding me and making love to me.!
I close the drapes to block out the sun and I crawl under my blanket and fall to sleep in the morning to dream of her.
I wake up and I have to do another show. This is the last show before we head our way home. I was excited, as I always am when we do our last show. Only one day away and I will be in the arms of my lover. I play that night loud and proud and as I look out into the crowd I wonder just who all those faces are. After the show I stay a while by the buses and I sign autographs. A few women try to make plays on me but I just walk away. One calls out to me calling me a name because she is mad that I turned her down. What did she expect? I am in love.
We board the buses and head to the hotel. I go to my room and shower. I then pack all of my belongings and have my suitcase ready and waiting by the door so that when the morning time approaches I can be ready to leave. I fall to sleep reading a letter she sent me with a photo of her and I in it that we took at the beach. I smile and kiss the photo as I place it next to me in the bed so I can see it when I wake up. I fall to sleep into dreams of she and I running along the oceans shore, throwing water at each other, and eating ice creams. I wake up with the noise of someone banging on my door. "Fifteen minutes and we split" I heard someone say.
"I'm up, I'm up!" I respond.
I rise out of bed and slip on my socks and shoes. I walk to the restroom and do my business. I rinse my mouth out with water and run my fingers through my hair. I grab my jacket and my suitcase as I walk out the door.
I board the bus and set in one of the seats closes to the window. I lean my head against it and close my eyes as the rumbling in my stomach grows and aches. I was starving, but that would have to wait until we came to a rest stop or a diner where we could grab a bite to eat. The bus pulls off and I feel myself slowly drifting off to that familiar comfortable blackness that we all know as sleep. When I open my eyes it is because my friend is shaking me awake telling me it is time to go eat. I get off of the bus and notice that we are in a small town. There is a diner and there is a sign in the front that says, ‘worlds greatest burger'. We'll see about that. I thought.
We walk into the place and I notice that everyone turns to look at us. "Where are we?" I whispered to no one directly.
"Some piss ant town," Josh says and I laugh.
We set in a booth and the waitress comes over. She is wearing a pink uniform dress with apple red stripes. Her hair is huge and her make up thick. She blows a bubble and winks at all of us. "Can I get you fellas something to drink?"
I ordered a glass of unsweetened tea as I open up the menu to read what they have. Everyone else orders cokes but not me. The waitress walks away to go get our drinks. When she comes back she asks if we are ready to order. I say yes that I am. I ordered a burger with onions and tomatoes only and some fries. I don't know what everyone else ordered because I was in a daze thinking about my lady at home. When the food got to us it was good and hot, but not really the best that I had ever ate. It was good though and it filled my empty stomach. We sat a while and then got back on the bus and headed home. We played poker and gin to pass the time. Finally I saw my hometown come in view. I started to get excited. Finally home. I smiled big. I was let off the bus in front of my house. I carried my suitcase into the house but I quickly realized that there was no one home. I sighed and felt my heart thump hard with sadness. I walked to the bedroom and started to put my things away. I r!
ealized that she was at work and that the boys were at school. I grabbed the phone and called Mom and asked her to take the boys for the weekend and she said ok. I packed their little bags and grabbed my keys so I could go pick them up from school. I got them out early and they ran to me screaming. They were so happy to see me and I was equally happy to see them. I told them that granny was waiting for them and that she had lots of fun things planned for them this weekend. They screamed and yelled that they were so happy. They hugged me and told me how much they loved me. I kissed their tiny faces and we headed to the car. On the way to granny's I listened as they both told me what they did and what they had been up to since I was away. They both talked at once and it was hard for me to understand, but I nodded and smiled and pretended to know what they were talking about. I dropped them off at granny's and then I hurried back home so I could prepare a dinner for my lady.
It was only twelve o'clock and she would be here at three thirty to get the kids off of the school bus but she will be surprised because I already took care of all of that. We will have an early dinner and then have the whole weekend to catch up. I cooked steak in the oven and baked potatoes. I also started on the fresh carrots and the broccoli. Tonight was her night and I was going to do everything in my power to make her feel like the queen that she is. Later I heard someone come in and I knew that it was Natosha. I was just putting the food out on the table when she walked into the dining room. "Joey!" she said and ran to me.
We caressed and kissed so deeply. It was a kiss that I was craving for and dying for, for so long. She smelled so good and god I missed that smell of her perfume. I held her in my arms so tight. "O h I missed you so much," I said.
"I missed you too"
She looked around and said, "You did all of this?"
"Yes"
"Where are the boys?" she asked.
"At mom's," I told her.
She smiled and kissed me again. We sat down and ate the delicious dinner and after dinner we decided to go relax in the Jacuzzi with a bottle of wine.
We drank all the wine right from the bottle and sat laughing and listening to each other tell about what we had been doing since last. I massaged her shoulders as she sat in front of me. I let my hands slip down the water and over her naked breast. My mouth caressed her neck and then I let the tip of my tongue play with her ear. She giggled because it tickled and laughed because she liked it. She turned to me and kissed me and I let my hands roam all over her body. She lowered herself in the sitting position on top of me and let my penis slide deep inside of her slowly. She moaned when I moaned and her body moved faster and faster. I cupped her breast and brought them to my mouth licking and sucking gently on her nipples. Faster and faster she moved as I licked her neck and bit down gently. Her hands roamed through my hair and she screamed out in ecstasy when we both exploded together.
I remember waking up in the bed next to her not really remembering how I got there. I had been that drunk from the wine that I could not remember. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the back of her neck. I had a wonderful feeling come over me. It was a feeling of relief a feeling of satisfaction. I was home and it felt good to hold her in my arms again. This is what I had been dreaming of for months and I felt great being with her. Not saying a word and not doing anything but holding my dear sweet Natosha in my arms. I fell back to sleep smiling and hoping that the weekend would never end.
I awoke in the morning to smelling something great cooking. I pulled on my clothes and walked to the kitchen. There was Natosha cooking breakfast. I circled my arms around her from behind and kissed her on her neck. She smiled and said, "Good morning handsome. Have a seat and I will bring you some coffee with your breakfast."
I sat at the table and opened the waiting paper and started to read. She came over and placed a plate full of food in front of me, and a cup of coffee that was steaming hot. I thanked her and she kissed me on the cheek letting her hand run under my chin as she walked away. She retrieved her food and came to set at the table with me. We ate in silence because our eyes did all of the talking for us. I could see it in her eyes that she wanted me again and that she longed to be with me. We ate fast and raced to the sink to put our dishes. I could not help myself I had to kiss her over and over again. She was so beautiful in the morning with no make up and her hair pulled up. I grabbed her up and carried her to the bedroom where I gently placed her upon the bed.
I climbed on top of her and kissed her mouth. I could feel her heart beating fast as my chest laid upon hers. I pulled off her clothes and started to kiss her from her lips all the way down to her belly button where I licked and played my tongue making her giggle and moan. She was so ticklish and it drove me wild. I worked my way down her thighs licking and nibbling until I reached her soft flesh in between. Her fingers were entwined with my hair as she pushed me further towards her beautiful soft area that only I was allowed to see, touch, feel and taste. I licked softly teasing her making her want more. She pushed my face closer and closer moving my head around with her hands. "Oh Joey make me cum," she moaned.
I licked and sucked as she moaned louder and louder. I inserted two fingers and she squirmed and cried out for me to fuck her. I was determined to make her exploded in my mouth and that is what she did. I licked her even more trying to savor all of her delicious juices. She was begging at this time, "Please Joey fuck me, I need you in me"
I lifted up my body and slid my penis into slowly teasing her by going slow because I knew it drove her wild. After a few minutes I started pushing faster and further inside of her. She pulled me close and I could feel her long nails dig into my back. That didn't bother me any because it felt good. "Harder Joey oh harder!" she screamed.
I pushed faster and harder, deeper and deeper until I felt her shake. She was ready to explode again and I finally let go. She clung to me as I dripped with sweat. We both lie there holding on and not moving at all.
We kissed after a long silence and I eased myself out of her. I lay on my back and she came to cuddle up in my awaiting arms. That was how our weekend went. It was perfect in every way.
Monday was soon upon us and I let Natosha sleep while I got the boys ready for school. I asked them what they wanted to eat and they both said cereal. "No bacon? No eggs?" I asked.
"No way we want cereal!"
I laughed and poured some cheerios into their bowls with milk. They ate up and then ran to get their jackets on and their backpacks. We waited at the front door for their bus. We heard it coming and the youngest screamed with delight, "My bus my bus!"
He was the only kid I knew that loved school. He even wanted to go on the weekend. I watched as they ran to the bus and got on. I waved good-bye and then shut the door. I walked into the kitchen to make my lady her breakfast. I had finished her food and had it setting on the table. I then walked into the bedroom and sat next to her on the bed. "Baby wake up," I said.
She moaned and opened her eyes a bit. She looked over at the clock and said, "Oh my gosh I got to get the boys up and ready, we are so late!"
"Don't worry my queen I already got them on the bus and everything. I let you sleep in."
"Oh Joey shugga britches, you are so sweet"
She reached up and kissed me.
"Come on cakes, your breakfast is getting cold"
I walked back to the kitchen and waited for her. She came in dressed in one of my t-shirts and my boxer shorts. I smiled because she looked so cute in my clothes. We sat and ate breakfast together.
"Hey cakes?" I asked.
"Yes?"
"What would you like to do today? I know you don't work on Mondays"
"I don't know, how about we go to a museum?" she asked.
I was down for that I had always loved museums.
"Cool"
When we got finished we got dressed and I waited watching television while she ironed out her hair and put on some make up. I told her time and time again that she looked beautiful with out all of that but she would not listen. So I sat and waited watching talk shows. When she emerged she looked like an angel that had fallen from the heavens and into my living room. She was so beautiful and sexy all at once. She was wearing dark jeans that had a worn look to them and a black tank top that had my bands logo on it. I smiled and remembered when I gave it to her years ago and told her to wear it so we could get more publicity. I was joking of course but she wore it any chance she got. "You look wonderful," I told her.
She thanked me and grabbed her purse. We went to get into the truck and we drove off towards the city.
She told me all about her friends and how they had gotten married. Natosha and I had our boys but we had never gotten married. She had never even brought it up with me. I had been with her for three years and I wondered what she was hinting at by telling me about her friends. "Are you going to be with me forever and ever Joey?" she asked.
"Would you like an honest opinion or a lie?" I asked.
"Honest of course"
"I cannot tell the future, but I know I love you endlessly. I will do what it takes to stay with you forever or until you get tired of me"
She laughed and shoved me a bit. "I will never grow tired of you, ever!"
I smiled and said, "Toshie baby, do you ever think of getting married, to me?"
She blushed and said, "Every day that I breathe"
I smiled again and then said, "How much do you love me?"
I always asked her that as a joke and she would always say, "More than you know"
We arrived at the museum and we went in. We spent hours looking at precious art in so many forms and shapes. We then decided to go have lunch at one of her favorite restaurants. After that we went to take a walk on the beach. We strolled hand in hand with the wind blowing through her hair and the smell of the ocean in my lungs, I felt like the luckiest man on the planet. I decided then and there that I would marry her, only I did not tell her yet. After our walk we drove back home. I told her I had to go pick something up but I would be home for dinner. She smiled kissed me and told me she loved me. She got out of the truck and I watched her until she was inside of the house safely. I then drove to one of the biggest malls in search of a jewelry store so I could buy her a ring. I came upon the mall and parked my truck. I walked towards the door and was stopped by a fan that wanted my autograph. I kindly signed the paper and answered a few questions and then went into the mal!
l. I went to two different jewelry stores before I found the right ring. I bought it and had them wrap it up like a present. I then went to the toy store where I bought the boys some toys to play with. As I was walking to the door to leave I spotted this novelty shop. I went in and found this gag gift for Natosha. It was a huge ring that squirted water. I thought that this would be the perfect gift to give her before surprising her with the real ring. I bought it and headed my way back to the truck I got in and drove home.
At home the boys were setting watching a movie while Natosha cooked dinner. The boys ran to me and hugged me so tight and asked if there was anything in the bag for them. I told them yes but they would have to wait until after dinner. They moaned and groaned and claimed that it wasn't fair, but I did not give in. I took the bags to the bedroom and hid them. "What's in the bags mister?" I heard Natosha say behind me as I put the bags next to the dresser. "Surprises and you can't peek!" I said.
"Dinners ready come eat," she said tugging me along.
Dinner was delicious and the boys were being especially good and quiet and I knew why. They really wanted their surprises. They ate fast and smiled big when I declared that it was time for surprises! They sat on the couch while I went to get the bags. I quickly hid Natosha's real ring in my sock dresser so she could not see it or find it. I did not know when I was going to give it to her, but soon when the time was right.
"Who wants presents?" I asked as I entered the living room.
"We do!" The boys screamed jumping up and down.
"Ok set down and close you eyes and open your hands and don't open your eyes until I say. Ok?"
They screamed yes and did what I told them to do. "That goes for you too cakes," I said winking at her.
She closed her eyes and opened her hands I placed the box with the funny ring in her hand. Then I placed one toy each in the boy's hands. I stood there for a second and then I said, "Open your eyes!"
They screamed when they saw what I had given them. "These are just what we wanted!" they both said. They hugged me and ran to their room to play with their toys. I looked up at Natosha and she was setting there with the box in her hand. She was shaking. She unwrapped the box and looked inside and saw the toy ring. "Look baby it squirts water," I said as I showed her how it worked.
She started to cry. "What's the matter?" I asked.
"Nothing. I love it really"
She started laughing and kissed me on the lips. "You are so crazy baby," she told me.
She got up and went to the sink and filled the ring with water. She then came back to me and squirted me. I laughed and opened my mouth. "Come on cakes try to get it in my mouth!"
She laughed and tried but it missed and finally ran out of water.
We let the boys play a while as we watched the news and then we put them to bed.
That night as I slept I felt like something was wrong. Natosha never slept all the way on the other side of the bed. She always slept in my arms or very close to me. I asked her if something was wrong but she kept telling me no. I fell asleep with a heavy heart wondering what I did to make her not want to sleep next to me, close to me. When I woke in the morning she and the boys were already gone. I couldn't believe I slept that long or that heavy. I got up showered and made myself some breakfast. I sat for a while just doing nothing but watching television, but that became boring so I decided to go for a drive and maybe hang out with some friends if any were available.
I was cruising the downtown area thinking of getting my lady some lunch and taking it to her when I noticed what looked like her inside of a restaurant eating. I pull over and park my truck. I got out and walked to the door of the restaurant. I look in and see Natosha setting with some guy who was dressed in a dark expensive suit. I figured that it was someone she worked with so I did not give it a second thought until I saw him reach over the table and touch her hand in the same manner of which I had done a million times. She smiled and clasped her hand around his. He leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on her mouth. I stood there feeling like I was ready to explode. She smiled that sweet smile at him. That smile was my smile, the same smile she had always given to me. What was she doing and why? I walked all the way into the restaurant and slowly walked towards where they were, all the while in my mind I was thinking of how she never bothered to even cover it up. She was he!
re next to the big windows with a man that was not I and she was kissing him. They were in a full lip lock when I decided to walk away. I hurried out and headed for my truck. I got in and just sat there a moment before I decided to drive off. I went back home and sat for a long time wondering what it was that I should do. I did not want to leave her or the boys even though they were from her previous relationship, I felt like they were my own flesh and blood. I loved them all so much and could not imagine my life with out her or the boys. I decided to stay and pretend that I saw nothing. I decided to take the ring I had bought her and put it into another box and hide it in the attic.
When she came home that afternoon I did not run to the door and greet her with my kisses. I was no longer willing to kiss her after I saw her kiss someone else. She smiled and said, "Baby I am home!"
She looked heart broken when I did not get up from the couch and kiss her or tell her how much I missed her. "What's wrong Joey?" she asked as she flopped down on the couch next to me.
"Nothing," I said and turned back to the television and pretended to watch.
I could not believe the anger I was feeling towards her. I wanted to scream at her and accuse her, but I just kept quiet about it.
"What did you do today?" she asked.
I gave her a look that could kill if only and I said, "Well, I called my ex-girl friend up and she came over and we made out all day long. Hell she just jumped out the window and ran home when she heard you pull up"
I was being sarcastic and lying of course but she fell for it hook, line and sinker.
"Why would you do that to me?" she asked.
"You know Natosha, sometimes people see things that they were not supposed to see and it causes them to do things that they don't really want to do"
I shut off the television and went to bed. She followed me and demanded that I tell her what I was talking about. I just ignored her and pulled the covers over my head. She stood there a moment and then left the room slamming the door behind her.
I pulled the covers over my head and prayed that God, if he existed, would take me here and now because I rather be dead than feel the pain in my heart that I was feeling. My lady was cheating on me, and it made me feel like my world was crumbling down. The sky was falling in on me and I could careless. I prayed for the blackness to swallow me up into oblivion forever and ever.
I woke to her shaking me telling me that dinner was ready. I told her to get away from me and to not bother me anymore. "I don't want your stinking dinner tonight or any other night!" I screamed as she walked away again slamming the door behind her.
I woke up late in the night with a pain in my stomach. I was starving and wanted to eat. Natosha was not in bed with me. I found her sleeping on the couch. I went to the kitchen and made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a glass of milk. I sat at the table eating when she got up and sat with me. She did not say anything at first. Then she looked at me and said, "Did you really call your ex?"
I finished my food and drink and then put my plate and cup in the sink. I sat down next to her and took her face into my hands. "Who's the suit?" I asked.
She pulled away from me and starred at the floor. "Who is the suit?" I demanded in a louder tone.
"Please be quiet and don't wake the boys," she said.
I laughed and asked, "Do you want me to leave and be gone from your life? Would that make you happy? Just say the word and I will leave. There will be no questions asked and no hard feelings. No fight no battle. I will just leave"
She started to cry. "I don't want you to leave and be gone from my life! I love you!"
I grabbed her and shook her, "When you love someone you don't cheat on them!" I screamed.
I got up and started pacing the floors. I was mad and knew that I needed to calm down.
"I am sorry Joey," she said.
"How long has this been going on?" he asked.
"Joey please lets not fight about this"
I laughed and hit the table hard with my fist, "You expect me to just let it ride huh? Pretend that nothing is happening. Well I wont!"
She sobbed and I did not feel sorry for her one iota. "How could you cheat on me? I thought that you loved me"
"I do love you!" she screamed.
"No you love him. God! What is his name huh?"
She looked down at her shoes. I slammed my fist to the table again and screamed, "What is his goddamn name?"
"Andrew," she whispered.
"Andrew the suit. So how long have you been seeing Andrew?"
She sobbed louder.
"If you can't tell me then I suppose I should leave"
"No Joey don't leave"
"Why should I stay? You cannot even tell me the truth about anything. You lie you cheat. I don't want to be with someone who wants to be with someone else. Oh but what a fucking waste, I was going to ask you to marry me. I am so glad I found out about you now than then after I married your ass!"
I walked to the bedroom and went in slamming the door behind me. I grabbed my two suitcases and started filling them up with my clothes. She walked in begging me to stop. "We can work this out," she said.
"Work what out? There is nothing to work out! Get away from me!" I screamed.
I continued to fill up my suitcases with as much of my stuff as I could. I then went and put the suitcases in my truck. I came back in and then got my stuff out of the bathroom that I knew I would need. She sat on the couch sobbing loudly. I put my bag in the truck and came back in one final time. I went to the boys room and starred at them sleeping. I walked over and kissed their faces and told them that I loved them even if I knew they probably could not hear me. I made sure they were both covered up and then I walked back out got into my truck and pulled away not looking back even though I wanted to so bad. I drove away into the night not knowing where I was going or where I would end up. All I knew was that I could not stay where I had been and I could not go back. I loved them all so much, but sometimes love could not hold a family together. Sometimes the roads we travel in life are bumpy and we think that we are not going to make it through. We always do eventually.
How does it all end you wonder? Well, I eventually married a woman named Stacey, but it was many years after I left Natosha. Stacey and I have four beautiful daughters and two sons. Sometimes I look at my children and wonder what it would have been like to have these by Natosha. She and I had shared so much in life and I still loved her. I never completely lost touch with her. She and I remained close friends for many years even after she married Andrew and had three children by him. The boys grew up to be fine men. One of them went on to become a lawyer and married his high school sweetheart that which he had several children with. The other went to collage and became a doctor and claims that he rather study medicine than anything else in the world. Natosha was always there for me even though we were no longer together. She was my best friend and I loved her endlessly. She was there when my first child was born. She listened to me when I had a problem and she laughed at me !
when was too drunk to get home. I miss her so much. I think of her often since her death and wonder how things would have turned out if I had just stayed and worked things out with her. Now that she is gone, I feel that a piece of me is gone as well. Sometimes the choices that we make in life are not always the choices that we want to make. It's the regrets that haunt us.
Author: SYN
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